Sunday, October 4, 2009

Roo the Day

Stop worrying about zombies. Start worrying about kangaroos.

As the picture shows, the kangaroo is best known for its violent nature. The pugilistic mascot* for our local Lake Washington High School is an obvious inspiration for the fury of alums like Matt Hume and Jason Mesnick, and now it is wreaking havoc in its native land. reports not one, not two, but three kangaroo incidents.

It started off innocently enough at the end of August when a kangaroo knocked a 61 year old cyclist off his bike, breaking the cyclist arm. An isolated incident. Possibly just the ravings of a madman, after all the rider was old (well, older than me), and had just fallen. Perhaps he was still in delusional shock from the incident. I mean, you could laugh it off, right?

But the incidents keep coming.

Three weeks later a kangaroo invaded a psychologist's office in Atherton (Australia, not California), wreaking "more than six minutes of havoc," according to the article (see, I told you: wreaking havoc; I did not make that up), before assaulting an elderly woman on its way out of the office.

Now comes the story of a roo running down a motorbike and sending its rider to the hospital with what turned out to be non-life threatening injuries. Again the animal attacked an old (older than me) human being for no apparent reason. The cyclist said the kangaroo "came out of nowhere". The article says only that the kangaroo "fled the scene and remains at large" like Batman or Zorro.

Taken individually these are just isolated incidents, but together they are three isolated incidents, and that's a trend. It's like the swine flu, starting small with just a few cases, then suddenly reaching the tipping point and exploding into a global pandemic, a pandemic of zombie kangaroos taking over Queensland, Australia.

This kangaroo uprising clearly marks the End of Days, and offers a much more compelling reason to lose your virginity than the opening of the Large Hadron Collider.

*Before you snicker, just exactly what kind of mascot is a Matador? At least a kangaroo doesn't fight with pointed sticks.

Cairns (photo) and again, and again.

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